About Me, Paula Benthem
I have lived a life of trouble, life isn't been easy for me. As a soul I took in a place in the two family systems of farmers of preachers. But I wasn't met as a clild for a healthy pattern of growing with emotional care. But I felt safe on the farm 'Warffumer Klooster in a little village where all the nations of the world danced every year and shared their folkore through their dance. Thereby I was always inspired in the Bible, by the stories of prophets and leaders that had to face troubles in their life but still believed in a deeper meaning in Life of living in trust and Love of the source of unendless preciousness, God, that is, was and will be, if we connect to that or not.
But as a soul I connected to a deep trauma in the family unconsiousness that wasn't been recognized by that, the world war 2 of my grandparents. Later I developed 'hearing voices' in my mind that was related to that trauma my grandmothers and parent lived in. That is called 'bindingssysteemtrauma' by Franz Ruppert. How people with mental suffering take in places in the family systems of unrecognized hurt of their own family system.
Thereby I wasn't met by my parents in fundamental needs as a child, so I somehow cut my hurt of and went on living as a very still and 'bedachtzaam' child, but very clever and eager to learn, some quality I was giving by my grandmother who was a hero in the war. But my name is connected to my grandfather form the other side, that took in another place in world war two. And Bert Hellinger a familyconstellation designer from Germany recognized that that the unrecognized hurt and suffering of the world war 2 caused suffering in many human beings, also through schizophrenia, where people have a split because threaters (daders) and the people who they hurt (slachtoffers) always share a connection. And trauma of hurt always want to heal. Love the deeper ocean we live in searches for way's to heal ourselves and our soul, but also our nation. So collective healing is going through the unconscious patterns individuals choose to walk, and share.
At college I was touched by two things. At nature science I was to shown a photo series of cosmos, how beautiful the whole cosmos is, if you take photos of it, but if you zoom in and in and in, you come to Mother Earth this beautiful planet of blue and green, where ecological systems have a healthy patterns where all plant, animals and human beings have a place in a specific order that is needed for the survival of all. But when you zoom deeper in, you see how the human body is formed by at the deepest levels atoms, that are a cosmos themselves. At buddhism is learned that within in the mind and body of a human being the deeper inner core is the same of the inner core of existence, and nature science showed that too with that photo series. And somehow it is nice that nature science discovered that particles away from eachtoher do relate to eachother at distance. And that is something spirituality has always told, we are part of eachother as human beings and can de touched by hurt existing somewhere else, because resonance is a normal fact, we all resonate with eachother in happiness and in sickness.
Another thing I was touched at school was how the world war 1 and 2 where created and developed. A whole series of events caused war at a deep level on our Mother Earth. And that caused deep trauma in the unconscious soul of us as people, but also of nations. But we came at peace. But I as the third generation after the second world war of my grandparents went on developing schizophrenia because of it. Because a deep split was there, and the unconscious mind is driven by Love for healing, Bert Hellinger is really an expert in that of how suffering of earlier generations runs through family's searching for healing because we all search for a better living in ourselves as human beings, because we want to thrive. So we have to realise how war between nations causes suffering in later generations. With me in my mind of hearing voices, but I healed through trauma healing. I will later explain.
After my middle school I went on learning Religion Studies. I was always interested in the deeper stories the Bible told, but was also interested in the other world wide religions. Somehow everywhere in the world Religions give form to a believe in a deeper meaning of life. I myself always believed that all religions do are inspired by the one source the unendless priousness is. And I was always touched how people can cause suffering to other beings because of believe, because we all share that source of Love in our hearts.
I was also touched by the stories of the bible and of fairytales. They tell of people who go to suffering, but grow to precious human beings because of that suffering and growing and learning of that and that that also is a 'geestelijk' proces. Where light and shadow form the pearl and qualities of those heroes who dare to take in difficult tasks for them to do. A hero is touched by the heart and goes on searching for a deeper meaning of life, and does face his hurt and suffering and becomes a strong human being through that, how small or great.
I quit Religion Studies, but I went on with Andragogiek, a study about the development of human beings in society. I could'n choose between psychology and sociology, and this study Andragogiek combined the two, because the growing of a human being is always in interaction with the system he or she lives in. I came to see that history really does form a society and for people to grow and to flourish as human beings, people do need a government that gives a basis to basic needs and room for free development of mind and spirit, then a human being can flourish in his or her quality.
During my graduation I came in trouble, voices where ravishing my mind and I really felt I had to take care of my inner world hurt by deeper trauma I did not now of yet, but I felt it. I couldn't take in a position in the society because I was hurt and traumatized.
I went on learning of body and mind. I went on a deeper inner travel to heal with body related techniques. I learned that when I child is hurt, this hurt goes through if it is doesn't healed and later as a adult we suffer. We relate to the world from hurt that is deep within, as a child although we have the age of a an adult. I learned that it is healthy to do relate to your hurt and take care of that. I learned that only talking about things doesn't heal you. But that healing can occur if you also feel your feelings and become connected again with instinct, intuition and ratio again. Especially the trauma work of Peter Levine guided me through, how feeling the felt sense of the body with awareness and guidance can heal our trauma, so mind, spirit and body can become connected again. I learned of the deeper part of me that was connected to the world war trauma of my grandparents. I recognized the hurt patterns of my childhood and through all that inner work I became a whole human being again, so I don't hear voices, mean voices anymore. I learned that trauma causes a bias in our way of seeing others and the world, our 'onderscheidingsvermogen' our possibility to have clear discernment is distorted by trauma, and when trauma does not heal, we relate to the world as little children constantly trigged by our hurt and not recognizing it.
So for every human being it is healthy to go look within where I am hurt, where I am touched and heal that. But also that we as human beings belong to eachother, we are part of systems that does provide for us sometimes but sometimes not and that can cause also suffering. But if we want to thrive as human beings on this precious planet we have to look within for who we truly are and we have to look at world around us and recognize that we all have a gift within that is needed on this Mother Earth right now. And I trust that if you are true to your heart your quality with all your suffering at the same time will give you the right routeplanner to thrive. God created us each with a pearl inside we have to find and cherish, and that it is polished by our suffering. But Mother Earth needs our pearl inside to shine, and build a new way of living in rhythm with the planet.
Because of my sickness, I had to become aware of my rhythm, I had to lead a very simple way of living because I really needed to take care of my suffering and hurt inside. But because I did, I became strong and not suffering of voices anymore. But especially through healing my trauma's through bodywork. And it is already recognized that trauma is the main cause of suffering, but also that we have a trigging for healing. Our human body does repair a wound itself, and neurons can make new pathways in the brains. So we can generate ourselves and heal, not all sickness, but it is possible. Especially if we recognize how deep trauma causes suffering also in later generations, but that Love, the deeper core of our precious life wants us to heal. And that going through shadow and light, recognizing our hurt can heal into light patterned beings. A simple thing is if you pay attention to your heart, in a loving and caring way, a healthy coherent heart rhythm will take part and our nervous system will come in balance. And if we also relate to our heart and the suffering in it we can become human beings serving this Mother Earth because we will take in positions called from within to create a better and healthier way of living connected to the rhytm of Mother Earth. Because I really believe that only Love can heal us, and Love our deeper core of our heart wants us to heal, as human beings living on a healthy planet, cause there is only one planet meant to be for us, precious human beings that needs to be seen in their hurt and in their pearl inside. And if we do so, we can become one big human family off all colors, vibes and spirits and that it how it's meant to be.